Modern day society is obsessed with success, ambition, and overachievement. We admire people who work over 60 hours a week and are constantly reminded of their glorious success through their colorful display of physical possessions.
We tirelessly compare our achievements to those around us and so often find ourselves falling short. So we fret. We push ourselves harder or blame people or circumstances around us. We drown ourselves in work we don’t love and even after completely exhausting ourselves we are still nowhere near the Joneses but are now more tired, stressed and run down than ever before.
These shortfalls make us believe we are not good enough. We can’t do what they do therefore we must be failures, slackers, bums. We accept this new reality and carefully watch their successes bloom from the sidelines while we secretly envy them and wish them to fail.
What a sad story and a waste of a beautiful life. All this anxiety is based on a false premise that the purpose of our life is to be regarded as a go-getter. Yet life is so much more than that. True fulfillment comes in the form of kindness, love, and acceptance. Every day we wake up is a beautiful opportunity to love life. This may sound cliche but ask anyone laying on a deathbed if it isn’t so. Ask a parent with a dying child to confirm just how true this premise is.
You see we’ve become so obsessed with overachieving that a person in a relaxed and calm state of mind can be taken for granted or regarded as a slacker. This is unfortunate because what the world really needs is not more successful people but kind, patient and loving individuals instead. To me, a person with a beautiful heart and an open mind is so much more impressive than a successful CEO.
With so much societal pressure no wonder most people’s stress levels are through the roof while prescription drugs are handed out in desperate attempts to numb the overwhelming anxiety and pain from the never-ending rat race. We are attempting to treat the symptoms while ignoring the cause.
Life is a beautiful journey, be sure to carve out moments to stop and smell the roses. Make time to reconnect with your inner self. Get to know what matters to you. What do you love? What makes your heart smile? What excites and motivates you? If you’re unsure, you have some soul-searching to do. Take time to get to know the real you. Sit in a quiet space, perhaps by a fire, or by a mountainside. Listen to a running brook or feel the breeze of the morning calm. These moments help clear our overworked minds and create space for creativity and love. Listen to your intuition and work on creating a path that is unique and tailored to you, not based on the pressures and norm of society.
I hope this message sparks a curiosity in you and fosters some passionate discussions with your loved ones.
Sending you so much love, peace, and good vibrations,
with love Alyana
What is jealousy? Dictionary.com provides the following definition: 1) jealousy is a feeling of resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself. 2) mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims. 3) vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
Based on above definitions, do you think jealousy is hurting or helping you?
Here is my raw and unfiltered truth: I used to be a jealous person. I didn’t understand where it was coming from and if ever confronted I would wholeheartedly deny it. I didn’t see just how much pain my jealousy was causing not only me but my relationships as well. Too often I jumped into conclusions, made up false narratives in my mind and accused my boyfriends of ridiculous wrongdoings. This went on for years.
My true liberation began after I set out on a soul-searching journey. This entailed taking a close and honest look at my upbringing while facing some painful and uncomfortable insecurities that lived deep within. Over time I discovered that my jealousy didn’t just appear out of thin air. My jealousy had two thick and deeply rooted causes. The first was the lack of my father’s involvement in my life and the second was a possessive and overbearing first romantic relationship. I won’t bore you with the dark and complicated corners of my psyche but I do want you to know that once I realized and accepted what was driving my jealousy, only then was I able to set myself free from the heavy and painful chains of this destructive habit.
Today I see jealousy as a debilitating master that thrives on controlling thoughts and behaviors. I see it as mental confinement that hurts every relationship it touches. Here is what I learned about jealousy on my path to recovery.
My recovery from jealousy was a long and slow journey, shoot, in all honestly it still is an ongoing effort. It took years of self-reflection and soul-searching along with the support and patience of my beloved to reach a place where I finally feel in control of my thoughts and emotions. Today I can honestly say that when a woman flirts with my husband I find it cute that someone else sees him the way I do. I don’t take it as an act of disrespect or some sort of aggression. I also know that it feels nice to receive a compliment so why would I want to take that away from him. This journey empowered me to trust him unconditionally, not because he is perfect but because we have put a lot of work into our bond. Escaping the shackles of jealousy is hard work. But boy is it worth it. Here are my 5 steps that may help you overcome those jealous ways.
Sending you love, peace, and good vibrations
Alyana with love
Not everything in life is equal. No two people are identical and no two snowflakes are the same. This rule applies to relationships as well. Not everything has to be 50/50 but it should certainly be fair. Today I ask you to take an inventory of your relationship responsibilities and evaluate if it’s a fair split. It’s easy to notice our own contributions, in fact, too often we revisit the long list of things we do for our partner, each time adding a thing or two. It takes mindfulness and practice to take note of all the things our partners do for us. Ok, perhaps you are the only one who cleans the bathrooms but is he the only one who takes out the trash? Maybe you are the primary cook in the home, but maybe she does all the driving for the family. Are you the one always making plans and calling for dinner reservations? Well, maybe he is the one who always pays? Shift your focus from equality to fairness. This applies not just to housework, but to the relationship itself. One way to ensure fairness is to make sure you are in fact contributing your talents, time and attention.
If Holidays are the most wonderful time of the year why do so many of us feel incredibly stressed and overwhelmed? The advertising industry reminds us each year that we should use this time to reflect on our blessings and show appreciation to our loved ones…by buying a bunch of stuff. As if an exchange of material possessions is the only way to show love. It is one way if your bank account has a bunch of commas but for the rest of us living on a budget, there is a ton of other ways to show that we care. This holiday season if you haven’t done all your shopping just yet and are up to doing something a little different, I have a few suggestions on giving inexpensive but meaningful gifts to your loved ones.
There is so much more to life than working and spending our hard earned money. Life is about experiences, adventures, lessons and of course love. If you come from a family of gift exchangers it may be difficult to go the minimalist route at first. Try it by explaining that either you wish to save money for a particular goal or that you don’t want to dip into your savings, maybe you would like to enjoy a simpler and more easy going holiday season for a change. If you do this you should be prepared not to receive as well. I promise this change will have lasting effects and the more you practice it, the more you will enjoy a simpler and more relaxed holiday season. After all, the Holidays are about love, peace, and unity.
Sending you love, peace, and good vibrations, this holiday season and always.