#11 Communicate without saying a word

Communication is key to every healthy relationship and it is imperative to keep in mind that there is more than one way to communicate. The verbal form of communication is just one of the many ways we can demonstrate our love, express concern or show support, yet we so heavily rely on spoken words. Much too often we underestimate the power of a gentle touch, a warm smile, a kind gesture or a flirtatious glance. Silence at times can be much more powerful than a shout. Whether we admit it or not, we are profoundly affected by touch, both physically and emotionally. Happy couples touch each other frequently. A caring touch can offer an acknowledgment of your partner saying “way to go” or “I know that was difficult for you” all without saying a word. Look for opportunities to express yourself without making a sound and you may be surprised how quickly your partner beings to reciprocate.

 

Missed tip #10? Click here: Focus on Fairness

Inspirational Quote of the Day

Surviving in an overachieving world

Modern day society is obsessed with success, ambition, and overachievement. We admire people who work over 60 hours a week and are constantly reminded of their glorious success through their colorful display of physical possessions.

We tirelessly compare our achievements to those around us and so often find ourselves falling short. So we fret. We push ourselves harder or blame people or circumstances around us. We drown ourselves in work we don’t love and even after completely exhausting ourselves we are still nowhere near the Joneses but are now more tired, stressed and run down than ever before.

These shortfalls make us believe we are not good enough. We can’t do what they do therefore we must be failures, slackers, bums. We accept this new reality and carefully watch their successes bloom from the sidelines while we secretly envy them and wish them to fail.

What a sad story and a waste of a beautiful life. All this anxiety is based on a false premise that the purpose of our life is to be regarded as a go-getter. Yet life is so much more than that. True fulfillment comes in the form of kindness, love, and acceptance. Every day we wake up is a beautiful opportunity to love life. This may sound cliche but ask anyone laying on a deathbed if it isn’t so. Ask a parent with a dying child to confirm just how true this premise is.

You see we’ve become so obsessed with overachieving that a person in a relaxed and calm state of mind can be taken for granted or regarded as a slacker. This is unfortunate because what the world really needs is not more successful people but kind, patient and loving individuals instead. To me, a person with a beautiful heart and an open mind is so much more impressive than a successful CEO.

With so much societal pressure no wonder most people’s stress levels are through the roof while prescription drugs are handed out in desperate attempts to numb the overwhelming anxiety and pain from the never-ending rat race. We are attempting to treat the symptoms while ignoring the cause.

Life is a beautiful journey, be sure to carve out moments to stop and smell the roses. Make time to reconnect with your inner self. Get to know what matters to you. What do you love? What makes your heart smile? What excites and motivates you? If you’re unsure, you have some soul-searching to do. Take time to get to know the real you. Sit in a quiet space, perhaps by a fire, or by a mountainside. Listen to a running brook or feel the breeze of the morning calm. These moments help clear our overworked minds and create space for creativity and love. Listen to your intuition and work on creating a path that is unique and tailored to you, not based on the pressures and norm of society.

I hope this message sparks a curiosity in you and fosters some passionate discussions with your loved ones.

Sending you so much love, peace, and good vibrations,
with love Alyana

For relaxing and rejuvenating practices visit these helpful articles Meditation Podcast: Live Awake and The Power of the Mantra

Is jealousy helping or hurting you?

What is jealousy? Dictionary.com provides the following definition: 1) jealousy is a feeling of resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself. 2) mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims. 3) vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

Based on above definitions, do you think jealousy is hurting or helping you?

Here is my raw and unfiltered truth: I used to be a jealous person. I didn’t understand where it was coming from and if ever confronted I would wholeheartedly deny it. I didn’t see just how much pain my jealousy was causing not only me but my relationships as well. Too often I jumped into conclusions, made up false narratives in my mind and accused my boyfriends of ridiculous wrongdoings. This went on for years.

My true liberation began after I set out on a soul-searching journey. This entailed taking a close and honest look at my upbringing while facing some painful and uncomfortable insecurities that lived deep within. Over time I discovered that my jealousy didn’t just appear out of thin air. My jealousy had two thick and deeply rooted causes. The first was the lack of my father’s involvement in my life and the second was a possessive and overbearing first romantic relationship. I won’t bore you with the dark and complicated corners of my psyche but I do want you to know that once I realized and accepted what was driving my jealousy, only then was I able to set myself free from the heavy and painful chains of this destructive habit.

Today I see jealousy as a debilitating master that thrives on controlling thoughts and behaviors. I see it as mental confinement that hurts every relationship it touches. Here is what I learned about jealousy on my path to recovery.

  1. Jealousy stems from our deepest insecurities. Do you know yours?
  2. Jealousy is not cute. There is a common misconception that jealousy is a display of love and affection. Do you agree? I think jealously displays one’s insecurities and mistrust.
  3. Life is so much more beautiful when we liberate ourselves from the confinement of jealousy.
  4. Jealousy affects multiple aspects of our life from lovers, to colleagues, to friends and strangers who appear to be doing better.
  5. Jealousy is toxic to our inner self as well as our relationships.

My recovery from jealousy was a long and slow journey, shoot, in all honestly it still is an ongoing effort. It took years of self-reflection and soul-searching along with the support and patience of my beloved to reach a place where I finally feel in control of my thoughts and emotions. Today I can honestly say that when a woman flirts with my husband I find it cute that someone else sees him the way I do. I don’t take it as an act of disrespect or some sort of aggression. I also know that it feels nice to receive a compliment so why would I want to take that away from him. This journey empowered me to trust him unconditionally, not because he is perfect but because we have put a lot of work into our bond. Escaping the shackles of jealousy is hard work. But boy is it worth it. Here are my 5 steps that may help you overcome those jealous ways.

  1. Be honest with yourself. If you are jealous of a particular person, ask yourself why? What specific qualities do you resent in them? As difficult as it may seem it is probably because you admire something about them but your insecurities won’t let you admit it.
  2. Face your insecurities. Did you grow up without a father/mother? Did one of your parents get cheated on? Or perhaps you were cheated on yourself? Dig deep into these painful pocket of memories to discover what is driving your insecurities. The best part of this exercise is that simply discovering the cause of our insecurities is more than half the battle, the other half is catching ourselves in the act.
  3. Practice self-worth. Recognize all the beautiful and wonderful things that make you, you. Once you elevate your self-esteem you can act and react from a place of confidence. Healthy confidence is the key to fostering trusting relationships. And hey, even if they’re not faithful, the fault is on them. It is something they will have to live with for the rest of their lives. Let’s face it, sometimes life is unfair but is it fair for us to walk around expecting the worst at all times? What fun is that?
  4. Let love in. Thinking and acting from a place of love is the best way to heal wounds. Try to understand that each one of us comes with baggage. Be patient with your loved ones for they too may be dealing with deep scars of their past and debilitating insecurities of the present.
  5. Be honest with your partner. Our vulnerability is what makes us beautiful. Tell your partner where you are in the process so that he or she can be more patient as you go through this life changing transition. They too will reap the benefits of a more confident and more trusting you.


I hope you found this article helpful, please don’t hesitate to share your thoughts, comments, and experiences.

Sending you love, peace, and good vibrations
Alyana with love

#10 Never mind equality, focus on fairness 

Not everything in life is equal. No two people are identical and no two snowflakes are the same. This rule applies to relationships as well. Not everything has to be 50/50 but it should certainly be fair. Today I ask you to take an inventory of your relationship responsibilities and evaluate if it’s a fair split. It’s easy to notice our own contributions, in fact, too often we revisit the long list of things we do for our partner, each time adding a thing or two. It takes mindfulness and practice to take note of all the things our partners do for us.  Ok, perhaps you are the only one who cleans the bathrooms but is he the only one who takes out the trash?  Maybe you are the primary cook in the home, but maybe she does all the driving for the family. Are you the one always making plans and calling for dinner reservations?  Well, maybe he is the one who always pays? Shift your focus from equality to fairness. This applies not just to housework, but to the relationship itself.  One way to ensure fairness is to make sure you are in fact contributing your talents, time and attention.

For more relationship advice check out tips #9 and #8